Coping with Caregiver Stress
Caring for the Caregiver
Learning to Ask for Help
Balancing Work and Caregiver Duties
Support Groups
Resources
Sound Advice
Many people who are between 45 and 65 years old are finding themselves
caught in the "sandwich generation", responsible for caring
for elderly parents, children and sometimes even grandchildren. There
are more than 76 million baby boomers in the United States, many of whom
are entering the "sandwich generation" themselves.
Providing daily care for an aging parent or friend can be rewarding,
but also physically and emotionally exhausting. Balancing the demands
of work, home and caregiving are often a struggle.
When you are the caregiver it is important that you save some caring
and compassion for yourself. Several studies have noted that family caregivers
suffer from more stress and illness than the general population, and
they have a greater frequency of depression. In fact, "well spouses" (overwhelmingly
women), who care for spouses suffering from chronic diseases such as
MS, cancer, Parkinson's or Alzheimer's disease, often develop their own
medical problems and other symptoms of stress overload.
Caregiver burnout is a common phenomenon, but there are practical steps
you can take to reduce the stress of caring for an elderly parent, relative
or ill spouse.
• Whether it's a friend, relative, religious
official or formal therapy, the result is the same--you relieve stress
by talking about your situation. Emotional support is essential for your
well-being.
• Rage,
anxiety, guilt, fear, frustration and resentment are entirely normal.
Caregiving can be rewarding, and it is something you do instinctively
when the recipient is a parent or spouse.
• You can sympathize
with the person, but continue to do things that make you happy. Don't
deny yourself pleasure while you are caring for your loved one. Experts
say that allowing time for yourself makes you a better caregiver--one
of the biggest mistakes you can make is to give up your own life to take
care of the person.
• Friends and family are often
willing to help with specific tasks, like running errands or just sitting
with the person so you can take some time for yourself. You are not withdrawing
or being unfaithful if you summon outside help--you can't always do everything
yourself. Home care, adult day care or housekeeping services can also
give you a break. Respite care can provide a healthcare worker to lend
a hand when needed.
• Learn as much as you can about long-term
care options by visiting nursing homes and assisted living facilities
before the health of your parent or spouse declines and more intense
nursing care is required.
• You can't reverse the situation, but you can offer support
and help with medical attention or coordinating details.
No one has to tell you that being a caregiver is a challenging responsibility.
At times, you may feel overwhelmed, especially if you also are trying
to meet the demands of a career and family.
Many factors contribute to caregiver stress. Included are changes in
daily routine, loss of privacy, conflicting demands from others, fatigue,
financial concerns and worrying about "getting everything done." These
and other lifestyle changes might cause you to feel resentful toward
others, trapped, troubled, helpless, depressed or just plain "burned
out." Following are some tips on ways to feel better by combating
caregiver stress.
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Taking care of yourself is one of the most important responsibilities
you have as a caregiver. More often than not, caregivers fail to make
time for themselves, to do the small but important things that help them
endure daily stress. You will be less able to provide adequate care if
you are not well or if you allow yourself to become run down and overly
tired.
Be sure to exercise regularly, maintain a balanced diet, get enough
sleep, avoid alcohol or drugs, have routine physical examinations and
seek professional help if you feel depressed for an extended period of
time.
In addition, learn to relax. Make time for yourself to do something
you really enjoy. Practice deep breathing, take a class, invite others
to your home to socialize, write to relatives or friends, or take a hot
bath while listening to soothing music
Everyone needs a helping hand from time to time, especially caregivers.
Ask your family and friends for help and accept their assistance when
offered.
Find out what resources are available in your community and use them.
Consult the yellow pages or government section of your telephone book
to locate social services, home care services, nursing homes, area agencies
on aging, human services organizations, health and welfare agencies and
disability services.
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If you also work outside the home, practice time management skills
on the job. Remember to pace yourself, organize and prioritize, delegate
responsibilities and take a break.
Do not mix business with caregiving. Make telephone calls or run errands
during your lunch or coffee breaks. Consider speaking with your supervisor,
employee assistance counselor, or other appropriate persons, or forming
a caregiver discussion group.
It is possible that your employer offers some type of "eldercare" benefits.
If not, perhaps the employer would consider doing so if the subject is
raised in a responsible and serious manner. Eldercare programs may include
support groups, counseling services, flexible work hours and dependent
care programs.
A support group will enable you to meet other people in similar caregiving
situations and learn about resources that can help you. Support groups
offer friendship, emotional support, and an opportunity for you to get
out and socialize occasionally. Community calendars or health sections
of your local newspaper may list when and where an appropriate support
group meets.
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Numerous resources on topics of concern to the caregiver are available
from various organizations. These include:
American Association of Retired Persons (AARP)
601 E. Street, N.W.
Washington, DC 20049
202-434-2277
National Council on the Aging
409 Third Street, S.W., Second Floor
Washington, DC 20024
202-479-1200
National Institute on the Aging Information Office
9000 Rockville Pike
Building 31, Room 5 C27
Bethesda, MD 20892
301-496-1752
National Association For Home Care
519 C Street, N.E.
Washington, DC 20002
202-547-7424
If you are interested in information and resources on a specific illness,
contact organizations such as the American Cancer Society, the Alzheimer's
Association, or the American Diabetes Association.
Finally, remember that old saying -- take one day at a time. Be realistic
about your abilities, how much you can do, and which problems are beyond
your control. Don't expect to accomplish as much as you did before you
became a caregiver. Forgive yourself if you lose your patience or have
a bad day, and remember to seek help when the going gets rough.
For information on any of the Saint Barnabas Health Care System Nursing
and Rehabilitation Centers, call
1-888-SBHS-123.
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