Kathleen Stewart, R.N., and her family give a whole new meaning to the word busy. A part-time nurse for the Saint Barnabas Prenatal Health Center, Mrs.
Stewart has three children who participate in competitive Irish dancing. She and her husband are both involved in taking Kelly, 20, Erin, 18, and Joseph,
11, to dance practice three times a week (in three different locations), and to the many local, national and international competitions. Kelly began Irish dancing when she was five, so this has been a long-term commitment for the entire clan. Erin and Joseph have both participated in the World Championship in Ireland.

"They are all at the highest level of dancing and this requires extensive practice," says Mrs. Stewart." I do feel overwhelmed at times but we all enjoy it. There is always a cooler with juice and pretzels in the car. One night we had a late practice and ended up eating Chinese food at 11 p.m. It sounds crazy but the kids were laughing and having fun. We all enjoy the experiences."

All three children are excellent students who must put schoolwork first, their mother says. Dancing has brought the siblings closer together, and even competitions on Thanksgiving every year do not dampen the family's holiday spirit.

"As long as we are together, that is the holiday," says Mrs. Stewart.

Busy Lives, Busy Families

Irish dancers from left, Erin Roberts, Joseph Stewart, Kelly Roberts

Each week families across America perform a remarkable juggling act that incorporates work, school, activities, homework, chores and even a little sleep here and there. While some families, like the Stewarts, enjoy their time despite the hectic pace, others feel overwhelmed and frustrated by a schedule that seems out of control.

"There are more opportunities now, especially in the world of children," says Susan J. Weinstein, R.N., B.S., H.N.C., Director, Women's Health Education at Saint Barnabas. "Parents want to expose their children to a wide variety of activities and give them that competitive edge. All of this takes time and can result in a time crunch that leaves families stressed."

Stress affects adults and children in the same ways, says Maureen Smith, R.N., Program Coordinator of Cardiac and Pulmonary Rehabilitation for the HEART HOSPITAL of New Jersey at Saint Barnabas and Newark Beth Israel Medical Center. When stressed, the body releases adrenaline, which causes the heart to pump faster. A constant release of adrenaline strains the cardiovascular system and can result in cardiac problems later.

"Our stresses are not supposed to be constant," says Ms. Smith. "Life is meant to be enjoyed and sometimes too much structure is stressful. The family members need to ask themselves if they are really enjoying the activity. If not, why do it?"

Jeanne Weintraub, R.N., M.S.N., Manager of Ambulatory Care at Saint Barnabas, adds that children should participate in activities for the pure enjoyment and that overscheduling makes the activities "tasks rather than experiences." In addition to doing activities, Ms. Weintraub relates that children need some time to "be bored." This unstructured time allows for creativity and some old fashioned pleasures like climbing trees or having a lemonade stand.

In addition to giving their child the widest variety of experiences, there are other reasons why families create a busy schedule. Ms. Weinstein mentions the "pinch of parental guilt" that might cause working parents to enroll children in many activities as a form of compensation and a way to make the children happy. Also, she says, some parents choose structured classes and programs for children to avoid the dangers of unsupervised outdoor play in this modern and sometimes scary world.

"Daily downtime is a necessity for all humans, from birth to the elderly," says Ms. Weinstein. "We all need time to completely relax. Downtime must be a priority."

Real Problems, Real Solutions

Ms. Weinstein, Ms. Smith, and Ms. Weintraub have many suggestions for busy families who would like to simplify their lives and take control of an unmanageable schedule.

• Evaluate what most stresses you in your daily life. While you may not be able to change the situation completely, you might alleviate parts of it. For example, if you are most stressed while driving, try to leave earlier in anticipation of possible delays. Or, play soothing music in the car to calm you during traffic jams.
• As a family, prioritize your schedule. It would be nice to take advantage of every opportunity in life, but we cannot chose them all. Select one or two
  activities that each child truly enjoys. Let children participate in the selection process, with the understanding that they must finish what they start. Re-evaluate the schedule midyear to see if it is working.
• Make daily downtime a priority, especially on the weekend. Children should view downtime as something special, a period of relaxation and connection to the family. Some families read books together, others talk about their day or take a walk.
• Try to have some sit-down family meals that do not involve a television or a drive through. That meal could even be a Sunday breakfast if dinner as a family is hard to manage. Let this be a time when nothing else interferes.
• Parents should access trouble spots on an ongoing basis.

  Ms. Weintraub, the mother of two older sons, recalls an afternoon from their childhood that was spent talking and lying on the grass looking at the clouds. Her younger son said on that sunny day, "Mom, we're making memories." Some of life's most beautiful moments require no schedule at all.

  Have back-up plans and anticipate problem periods of extra craziness. For example, if March is a month of birthdays, stock up on gifts all at once.
• Keep a detailed message center that shows everyone's activities and important appointments.
• Delegate appropriate chores to children with the emphasis on the family as a team. Revisit tasks that need to be done and the role of each family member.
• "There is nothing worse than morning craziness," says Ms. Weinstein. "People feel guilty when they are agitated before the kids get on the bus. It snowballs because the kids feel they have done something wrong and it affects their whole morning." Organize the night before by choosing school clothes, packing lunches and gathering equipment for activities.
• Remember to keep laughter a part of any schedule. Parents teach children that laughter is a perfect tension release.
• Find time to reconnect with children, especially during the years of peer pressure. Enjoy being together as a family and sharing activities such as an impromptu day at the park. Keep getting to know each other.
• Make the home as peaceful and healing an environment as possible so your downtime is extra special. Bring the outside indoors with colors, scents and sounds of nature.
• Set limits, reserve the right to say no and value compromise. Things change, as do children, and what worked yesterday may need to be altered tomorrow.

Ms. Weintraub, the mother of two older sons, recalls an afternoon from their childhood that was spent talking and lying on the grass looking at the clouds. Her younger son said on that sunny day, “Mom, we’re making memories.” Some of life’s most beautiful moments require no schedule at all.