When it comes to the role that fathers play in the lives of their children, Bob Dylan’s lyrics, “The times, they are a changing,” says it all. With a growing number of women choosing to remain in the workforce after the birth of a baby, it is clear that today’s fathers are more involved with the daily caretaking of children than at any time in the history of parenting.
“Today’s fathers get more joy out of fatherhood than perhaps their dads did,” says Susan J. Weinstein, R.N., Director of Women’s Health Education at Saint Barnabas. “In the past, fathers took on the role of breadwinner and disciplinarian. Now, fathers are involved in every aspect of their child’s life, including physical care and feeding, giving baths and nursing a sick child back to health. It is a much more active and rewarding role.”
For men, as for women, the birth of a first child is a life-changing experience tinged with a variety of emotions. Unlike their partners who may have the support of friends, mothers, sisters and child care classes, fathers may feel lost in the process with regard to caring for such a new, tiny person. To address this need, Saint Barnabas has added a class just for fathers to the menu of parenting classes currently offered.
“Issues of Fatherhood,” a course for new and expectant fathers, addresses the role of the father in modern society and covers everything from how to soothe a crying infant to the best ways to address changes in the marital relationship and new constraints on time. Fathers explore their increased responsibility and division of child care, as well as the many positive aspects of parenthood. 
“Fathers need to have a level of comfort with the physical care of an infant before the delivery,” says Ms. Weinstein. “They also need the opportunity to discuss their fears and concerns with other fathers in an arena where they are not being judged.”
The following are suggestions for new and expectant dads gleaned from the "Issues of Fatherhood" course:
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Most new fathers are also in the throws of career development. A demanding career may require long hours at the same time that you want to establish a bond with your baby. It may help to look at the other activities in your life, including participation in civic and athletic activities, and consider scaling these back for a while. For example, instead of continuing to play lengthy golf games, Ms. Weinstein’s husband took up tennis after the birth of his children. A shorter game of tennis still kept him fit, but also left more time for family.
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Before the baby, a couple focuses on each other. After the baby, parents need to turn their attention to the child without losing one another. By focusing on the raising of a child as a shared experience, a couple can maintain their connection.
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There is more than one way to do things and new fathers should not hesitate to help with the baby for fear of doing something wrong. Wives need to learn to trust their husband’s parenting skills and appreciate the effort rather than criticizing the technique. Likewise, by quickly learning to change diapers, burp and calm a crying infant, a new father shows mom that she can count on him.
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Do not take a baby’s crying personally. Instead of getting frustrated, try taking the baby for a walk, rubbing his tummy to relieve gas pain or use some soft music to soothe the fussing.
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Communication and compromise are as big a part of parenthood as they are a part of marriage in general. A new baby means that you need to build a different relationship with your spouse. Regardless of how things were before, they will change, and with your help they can change for the better. Remember to be positive and supportive. Set aside time each week to speak one-on-one and arrange dates when the two of you can have some alone time.
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Create a special routine with the child when you get home from work. This could be anything from a walk to a warm bath. Focus on bonding in your own way with your new baby.
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Parenthood tests marriage in a unique and challenging way. Even if the initial months with a new baby can be exhausting, parents can look forward to an enhanced relationship with their child as he or she grows and develops. Throughout the process, it is important for couples to reinforce their love for each other and to find ways to grow together on this new and exciting road. “Ultimately, nothing compares to the joy of raising a child,” adds Ms. Weinstein.
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