Newsletters

Healthy Child Fall/Winter 1999

BABIES: WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW

by BETH SALAMON
EDITOR, YOUR CHILD NEWSLETTER

As editor of Your Child newsletter for many years, I looked forward to the day when I would welcome a child of my own. After discovering I was pregnant in October 1998, I joyously read as many articles and books as possible on the growth of my unborn baby leading up to delivery. In my preparation, however, I neglected to read about what would happen AFTER the baby was born. Big mistake. Babies have a way of arriving into the world whether you read ten books or one page. Once here, however, these new little people expect you to have studied their owner’s manuals from cover to cover.

Of course, as with much of life, there are discoveries you make along the way which few books adequately describe. When I think back to my first year as a mother, these are the bits of wisdom that I wish had come to me, along with all the information about feeding schedules and diaper rash.

·       No surface in nature is as slippery as a wet baby, especially a little one who has learned she can stand in the bathtub and see her reflection in the spout.

·       On some days baby will love playing with her $35 toy. On other days she will prefer to play with the $5 potato masher. Or water dripping from the faucet. Or Tupperware.

·       When your infant has a cold, the pediatrician will recommend that you use a nasal syringe. Your baby will enjoy this as much as a circumcision and it will be as easy to master as Mandarin Chinese.

·       Babies like to wipe applesauce on the cat. The cat would prefer to be wiped with Vegetable Chicken dinner.

·       If you go back to work people will say you are doing the wrong thing. If you stay home people will say you are doing the wrong thing. To be a mom at the end of the 20th century is to do the wrong thing. Dare to do it anyway.

·       At playgroups you learn what the pediatrician leaves out. Like how to clean up projectile vomit. Or which bouncy chair comes with a vibrator option and a toy bar.

·       One day your baby will be completely stationary. The next day she will roll like a circus clown. This momentous developmental leap will most likely occur while she is on the changing table.

·       The baby will smile all the time. Except when you get out a camcorder. Or take her to the portrait studio. Or when people visit.

·       A good question to ask before going to a friend or relative’s house is the following, “Are you or anyone else in the house sick?” Sometimes people forget to mention they have bubonic plague and that you might not want your baby to get it.

·       A teething biscuit, eaten while hanging out in the stationary activity center, lasts 28 minutes. This is plenty of time for you to eat your meal.

·       Babies make the “da-da” sound before they make the “ma-ma” sound. Don’t take it personally. They haven’t connected words to people yet. (Sorry dads!)

·       A few books placed in an eight-month-old’s crib the night before can provide a much needed weekend morning of sleep for two tired parents.

·       There is no time more sacred in a mother’s day than naptime. Bring on the naps!

·       Little ones hate all of the following: direct sunlight in the eyes, unfamiliar faces above their crib after a nap, very loud laughter in the ears and the raucous sound of friends and relatives singing, “Happy Birthday To You.”

·       Putting your mother on speed dial is a good idea.

·       If you let baby play with your credit cards at home she will not understand why she cannot throw them around at the mall as well.

·       If you think something is wrong with the baby, you are probably right. If only scientists could calibrate their instruments based on mother’s intuition we would be able to predict cataclysms with remarkable accuracy.

·       Your pediatrician can never have too many office hours. Your baby will inevitably get sick on every major holiday at precisely 6 p.m. Find a pediatrician without a life, preferable one chained to a desk.

·       This is important. Get a sitter and go out to dinner and a movie with your husband. Recall a time when you were man and wife, not mom and dad. Did I mention that this is important?

Everyone makes mistakes, especially those who haven’t had a good night’s sleep in three months. Babies are very forgiving and are blessed with short memories and lots of love. Forgive yourself. Love yourself. You are a mom and you deserve it.

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