 Dear Parents,
Does this sound familiar? All you want is for your little girl to be happy, healthy and to enjoy life.
But, she seems to be missing out on so much because she is just so shy. You aren’t shy. Your husband isn’t shy. In fact, the two of you never met a stranger you didn’t welcome. Where did she come from?
When you first found out you were pregnant, did you start visualizing who your child would resemble and what she would be like? Babies and children don’t come made-to-order and this goes for personality as well as eye and hair color. Before you decide your child has a problem with shyness, make sure it isn’t that you have a problem having a shy child.
Step back and take an objective look at your daughter’s day. Is she happy? Does she giggle and laugh? Does she have a few or even one close friend? Does she like school and have activities sheenjoys? Does she eat and sleep well? If the answer to all of these is yes – the problem might be yours.
Children move in and out of developmental stages like the wind. Some are a gentle breeze and some are full blown gales. These stages are a process and they enable her to grow into theadult she will become some day. Maybe she just hasn’t learned how to handle new people and situations yet – and you can help with that.
To help your child gain confidence with unfamiliar people and situations, try the following:
- Arrange play dates and social activities at your house.Your child will feel safer in her own home.
- Tactfully attend parties and new places, such as the roller rink, with her. Remember, a parent wholoves you is the world’s best security blanket.
- Listen, listen and listen some more! Listen to your child with your full attention. If she knows she will be heard, she’ll feel more comfortable speaking up.
- Share your feelings. We have all been in situations where we felt like a square peg trying to fit into a round whole. Share how you felt and how you managed to survive. Let her know it gets easier as you get more practice in new situations.
- Don’t push. If your daughter is uncomfortable in a new situation, let her stay with you. She’ll go as soon as she feels comfortable, and maybe the next time will be easier for her.
- Don’t refer to her as being shy, even when you think she can’t possible hear you. If she hears you refer to her as shy, she just might act that way because she thinks it is what you expect.
- Needing privacy in the bathroom or when getting dressed is not being shy. As children grow, their desire for privacy is a good thing.
- Recognize the warning signs when shyness is becoming a problem. Signs include crying every day before school or refusal to go to school and changes in eating or sleeping patterns. If your child has no friends, if you never hear her laugh, if she refuses to talk to her teacher or classmates, or if she talks about herself in a negative light, you should consult your pediatrician.
- BELIEVE IN HER!
The most wonderful gift a parent can give to a child is love. Let her know you think she is the most wonderful thing since sliced bread. It is liberating for her to know that you view her as a work in progress. If growing up was a snap, it probably would not take so long to do.
- Don’t lose sight of the fact that your daughter’s shyness is a sign of her sensitivity. Being sensitive is a very good thing. It leads to compassion, caring, empathy and an appreciation for the people in her life.
The following are references for more information on shy children.
AskDrSears.com
Parents.com
JEANNE K. WEINTRAUB, R.N., M.S.N
TRAINING COORDINATOR
SAINT BARNABAS MEDICAL CENTER
[ Back to Newsletter Index ]
[ top ] |
|
|
The Department
of Pediatrics
(973) 322-7600 |
|
|
|
|
 |
|
